Today would have been Hudson's 2nd Birthday. I've been dreading writing a post today because I don't know if words can convey exactly how I feel. How terrible is it that a parent dreads the day their child was born? Its supposed to be a happy time. A time of celebration. I feel non of these things. All I feel is complete and utter emptiness.
Today is a day I should be watching my little boy smear cake across his face. Watch him tear the pretty paper off of the gifts that I so thoughtfully purchased and wrapped for him. Instead all I do is cry. I cry tears of pure sadness and heartbreak because I never got to hear him laugh or cry. I never got to experience the pure joy of seeing his first steps or hearing his first words. I cry because I will never get to wave to him as he gets on the school bus for his first day of school. I am sad because will never get to teach him how to drive, see him graduate, or watch him grow into the man that he is supposed to be. I weep because I feel broken.
I've spoke about my little angel before, and I can tell you that even though I feel immense sadness, I am also starting to feel peace. Something like a calm after the storm. As much as I wish that I could see him smile today, I know he is smiling down on me. He is smiling because he can feel the love I have for him, because he knows that I live my life to make him proud, and because he knows that one day we will meet again.
"Ever whisper of the breeze, every butterfly wing that touches my cheek, every kiss of the sun on my face, reminds me that your not gone... your just waiting..."
Happy Birthday Honey! Mommy Loves you!
I hope you can have a good day and can think of your little sweetie by doing something fun to celebrate his birthday. Remember is okay to cry, its okay to be sad...but its also okay to celebrate. I had a nephew that was killed in an ATV accident a few years back.He was 14 years old. Every birthday after he passed away we would have Pizza and Pepsi because it was his favorite. Then we would let off helium balloons...sending birthday balloons to heaven. We would send off the amount of how old he would have been that year. It was fun, yet done in a way that we could honor him for his special day. Maybe doing something like that would bring peace to your day. Find something that you could have/would have done if your sweet baby boy were still here and then make it a tradition to do on his birthday every year.I will be thinking of you today. Hope you'll have a good day.
ReplyDeleteI never know what to write or say, but we love you, and we know that Hudson has so much love for you!
ReplyDeleteI love the balloon idea, I think something like that would be great!
xoxo
Oh Corrine, don't think that I can find the correct words to cheer you up, only thing I can say is that you are such a wonderful sweet person, and little Hudson is so proud up there knowing he is so loved! Happy bday to your babe and my daddy!
ReplyDeleteCess O. <3 The Outfit Diaries